I found this posted in a Usenet group. I'd mention a name or two that came to mind when I read this, but I'd like to keep my skin. Bluejay ================================== Cryptoparanoid? Take the test! Your computer security includes a) Turning off the computer b) Login password c) BIOS password + login password d) You have a hard drive which you carry with you at all times which is 256 bit encrypted and has deniability mechanisms, tokens and/or hardware for retinal identification. You come back to your room after getting a cup of coffee and have the feeling that someone may have touched your computer because a) It has been stolen b) An unusual program is open c) The invisible thread you attached to the spacebar has been dislodged d) Leaving the computer for more than 30sec means 'when there's doubt, there is no doubt' and which adversary wouldn't take the chance to break into my system given 30sec? In the event of 2) you a) Ignore it and keep working b) Ask the others in the room if someone has touched your computer c) Undertake fingerprint analysis of keyboard d) Take the computer immediately home, apply a blowtorch (2500C) to the hard drive for 10-15min, disassemble the computer hardware and scatter the parts in various remote locations, then proceed to buy new equipment despite the loss of 3 years work. Your main adversary is a) Your diet b) Your employer or co-workers c) The NSA d) Your wife and children,.. and the NSA How many encryption products do you have installed on your computer? a) 0 b) 1 c) 2-5 d) All currently available products The highest powers of the NSA include a) 'Supreme being' on Kazaa and best Quake gaming network going b) Monitor all electronic traffic on earth c) Have solved the factorization problem. d) They ARE the MATRIX. THEY DECIDE which passwords we choose. There is no spoon, there is no spoon. Your PGP key size is,.. a) File size = 2kb b) 1024bit c) 4096bit d) When's the next IMAD release??!! I can't sleep at night! I only have 16000bits,..Arrrgghh! You password size is a) 5 char b) 12 char c) 20 char d) I enter a 36 character password in the same entry space 54 times to make a 1944 character password (hee hee hee,.. NOW I've got'em) Your password includes,.. a) Letters b) Letters and numbers c) Letters, numbers and spaces d) Letters, numbers, spaces, all possible ASCII characters using phonetics from the 'African click' language You change your password every a) Never b) Every year c) Every month d) Every time I use it (or even WHILE I'm using it) To enter a password you a) You ask Bob 'Hey Bob, what's my password again?' b) Make sure no-one is watching. c) Place a light, heat and sound proof shield over you hands and the keyboard while typing d) Use a modified electroencephalograph apparatus to THINK your password Your breakfast cereal is a) Something to eat b) Something to eat c) Something to eat d) A cunning method of inserting a 'TEMPEST' mechanism into a grain of wheat which can detect keystrokes while you are checking your email in the morning. You believe someone will find out your password and decrypt a strong encrypted message / file by a) Stealing your wallet with that piece of paper in it b) Install a hidden camera or hardware key logger to detect the password c) Beat the living $^*&$ out of you with that fabled 'rubber hose' d) As I said they ARE the MATRIX,...why isn't anyone listening?! Open source code review is necessary in crypto products because,.. a) The programmers may have made a spelling mistake b) Easier for the cracking groups to reverse engineer the software c) Find that hidden code which, given the right opportunity will provide a 'backdoor' to the security of the product which, in turn, will destroy the software makers reputation and result in the ultimate demise of the software company (as they originally intended) d) It doesn't matter because the source code is just a 'front' for the real machine code hidden somewhere else in the program,... somewhere DEEP inside. Your random generator for passwords include a) My initials with birth year tacked on the end b) First word I see on a flyer stapled to my office wall c) Coin or dice d) Custom made, home built wind velocity and direction analyzer to generate random values. BUT, here's the neat part, I use the values in reverse to thwart the NSA's attempts to control world wide wind patterns. You followed the AES competition by a) Huh? b) Saw the results published on 'slashdot' c) Looked for updates/news on NIST monthly d) Took a plane to the NSA's main headquarters and pitched a tent outside to see if any of the competitions organizers/judges had a 'day job' at Fort Meade Upon encrypting your first AES message/file you a) Said 'this is not a virus scanner!' b) Thought great, now all I have to say is 'A E S' instead of 'Riiinjj ale',...'Rine daley' Oh *()$%$^!! c) Pondered about infinity to the power of 256 d) Celebrated with a fresh PGP key and went to sleep happily knowing that, with brute force, it would not just take 6 times the age of the universe (128 bit) but 2000 times the age of the universe to crack your message. You use remailer software to,.. a) Why would I email the same letter twice?! b) I kant spel and downt want anywon to no hume I em. c) Write letters to my boss abusing him d) The NSA runs all the remailer servers and can break crypto so I find it a useful, if not entertaining channel of misinformation. You first entered the world of cryptography a) Because your IT administrator said 'enter a password' b) You have,..umm,... things on you disk to hide c) Mum and Dad introduced me to it at age 4 d) I realized it was my lifes calling at age 3 Upon arrest by a certain government of the coast of Europe for mere possession of a crpytographic product and are asked to hand over your keys you a) Say 'You've already got my keys and how am I supposed to get back in the house now?' b) Give them the keys and write a conspiracy story on some privacy website c) Go to jail just to spite them. Afterall, what's 2 years for principle? d) Immediately rip off all of your clothes, stand with hands stretched towards the sky and shout 'I am an agent of the dark Lord. My time is at hand!!' Despite all of the above issues you have a) Nothing of real value on your computer b) Nothing of real value on your computer c) Nothing of real value on your computer d) That's not the point, THEY think I have something of value on my computer ___________________________________________________________________ CRYPTOPARANOID RESULTS a-d = 1-4 points 17-32 = You probably should lock the front door of your house. GRADE CP1 33-47 = I guess that if someone actually could break strong encryption they wouldn't waste that knowledge on me. GRADE CP2 48-63 = You wish you could live the age of the universe to see just exactly long it does take to brute force a message. GRADE CP3 64-80 = This survey is sponsored by the NSA. Thankyou for your time. GRADE CP4