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A hoser who liked to chew snoose,
Made an improper advance towards a moose.
It gored him and kicked him,
Then mounted and dicked him.
Knocking his testicles loose.

Pity poor Molly McGrew,
Who declared she knew not what to do.
After being had in due course
By three dogs and a horse;
I'd visit the vet, wouldn't you?

A zookeeper named Harry McGraff,
Once tried to fellate a giraffe.
But the orgasmic splatter
Knocked him from his ladder.
So this is his epitaph.

Jacques Cousteau, or so goes the tale,
Once tried to pleasure a whale.
But it took the whole crew
To accomplish that screw
Plus the Calypso under full sail.

A cavalryman by the name of Ed Barger,
Once had an affair with his charger.
He fondled its dong
Which was exceedlingly long.
And steadily grew larger and larger.

Epigram: Catherine The Great's fate was a clear example of some of the dangers of unrestrained horseplay.

Q: How can you tell the young zoo to be at an amusement park?
A: He's the kid riding under the carousel horse.

Q: How do seals express affection?
A: They say it with flounders!

Q: Why did the zoo cross the road?
A: His dick was stuck in the chicken.

Q: "So Fred, just why are you dating the Lioness?
A: "It brings new meaning to the phrase "Pussy Eating!"

Q: What is the diffrence between a Poodle and a Pit Bull riding your leg?
A: You let the Pit Bull finish.

You know, one night I dreamed I was being molested by a large rabbit and awoke with a hair in my mouth.

"Grrrrr!" said the wolf as he lept on Little Red Riding Hood, "I'm going to eat you." Ah shit!" said the girl, "Doesn't anyone fuck anymore?"

The Big Bad Wolf meets Red Riding Hood in the forest and says, "Grrrrr! Red, I'm going to tie you up and screw your brains out!" Red pulls out a gun, points it at the Wolf, and says, "Oh no you're not. You're going to eat me, just like it says in the story!"

I was walking down the street the other day with a friend when I observed an old hound dog on a porch licking his balls. Admiring the flexibility of the animal I remarked, "Gee, I wish I could do that." To which my friend replied, "You sure you wouldn't want to pet him first?

My pal Freddy the stand-up comedian once got a job offer to entertain a group of Elk. They wanted to know if he'd do it for 75 bucks. He said yes. After the 58th dismounted he remarked, "Thank God it wasn't the Moose!"

Definitions: Zoophilia. Getting it on with the Playmutt of the month. A ruff life. The only time you can call your lover a 'bitch' and be truthful. Where the word 'ramifacations' takes on new meaning. The diffrence between "Oh dear! and "Ohhhhhh Deer!"

Jacques Costeau to a blushing young Greenpeacer, "That's why they call it a 'Sperm Whale' my dear."

Never let an elephant sit on your face.

Don't accept a blow-job from a python (they don't know when to stop swallowing).

Fisting a giant clam could be hazardous to your health.

When necking with a giraffe, always use scaffolding and wear a safety line.

(To the tune of "Row Your Boat")

Fuck, fuck, fuck a duck,
Screw a kangaroo,
Finger bang an orangutan,
At your local zoo